i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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