yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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