i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
