i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
