So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I didn't notice because vodka
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
