You smell like a Billy Joel song
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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