Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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