your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
