OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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