I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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