New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
