you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
