I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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