Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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