so explain again why im purple
no
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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