How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
