it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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