I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he thought i was a dude.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
