On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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