You made me cry and you don't even care
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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