Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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