I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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