$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
