Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
