I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
