I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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