Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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