Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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