i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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