im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
