I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize