i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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