well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
