Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My dick has a subreddit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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