Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
