found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
