Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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