y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
