Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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