well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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