I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
