I'm really into asian looking animals
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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