this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
