so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
