is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
