Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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