just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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