When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
