I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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