dude i'm inner monologue high
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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