She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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