You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
