found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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