I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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