real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
