My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
