I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize