watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's shark week go big or go home
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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