You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
