took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
