Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
