Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
