She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
