I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
