9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
