Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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