people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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